These past few months have been quite depressing for me despite the happy face I'm wearing. Though i'm sure no one will read this, but typing out thoughts that I've been thinking can actually let a lot of load or burden go. Well, let's start from the start. Probably this will be a second introduction of myself in this blog.
On 2nd March 1995, Thursday, around the end of Ramadhan 1415 a baby was born. That baby was me. I grew up in a loving family with a mom, a dad, a brother and 2 sisters. They are the best in the world and i wouldn't trade them for anything that the world has to offer. I am the youngest in the family, and as some may say, being the youngest is the best because you can have this and that.
Thing is that isn't me. I'm not a spoiled kid who wants this and that even though i can. One advantage being the youngest i see is that i can see the mistakes my brother and sisters did, that taught me not to do when they get scolded or commented on by my parents.
Growing up in this family, i always look up to everyone. My dad who managed to always stay calm when things go wrong. Very open minded, and also the one who always comes up with jokes that makes no sense sometimes. My loving mother who is a very skillful woman and was an athletic woman in her younger days. My brother and two sisters who may not be the best in academics at school but they are good at what they do. One thing I admire about them is the courage to stand up to someone who has a higher position than them. Something I am not good at...yet.
And like all families, everyone has their ups and downs. I didn't had much of a hard life growing up much, and everyone is very helpful. The problem is,.. that's it, they are too helpful. I never learn the basic things you learn in your daily life. Washing my clothes, simple cooking, washing the dishes, etc. I had a maid to do the dishes and laundry. I wanted to learn how to cook, since i find it is a good skill to learn, even the most basic dishes would do. My whole family knows how to cook but me. My mom would say, "No need, let your future wife cook" when i asked her to teach me how to cook. What are the chances I'll end up in a singles men rent house one day? That cooking skills would help me a lot in saving money.
I remember one time when i wanted to do something useful and I clean up my desk (or bed can't remember) and organized it. I was a kid back then and i felt proud of myself to be able to done something nice. Yet, my mom came in and said "what a mess" and she cleaned it in her own way. I was a kid, of course I couldn't do it perfectly, but she could at least gave me some emotional support and advice how to make it better. There were a number of times where things similar to this happened and I end up not doing anything because i thought all I did was useless.. I'm useless. That's how my low self esteem got to me and in primary school i end up being a quiet boy and gotten myself bullied physically and mentally occasionally.
I know my mom never had the intention of doing anything wrong. She was being a wonderful mother, a helpful one too. But sometimes, I need to learn these things when i grow up. I end up learning a lot of it when i reached college. I was enlightened when I got to pursue my Diploma far from home. It means i get to be out of my comfort zone and try something new. If my study for diploma was taken place near KL, my mom would probably go there and do my laundry every week.
When studying for my Diploma, aside learning about my course, I experienced riding a taxi, LRT and a bus alone. I learned how to cook, how to do the laundry and manage the rent bills with my housemates.These may be small things but i find it to be a very useful thing and a big deal. I remember getting laughed at my friends when I wanted to learn how to do the laundry. I managed to learn to be independent, something I always wanted. Being someone who can be helpful and not always rely on others.
I know my mom will never stop worrying about her me, I will always be her son, and nothing in the world could change that, but i just wish she would trust me and support me in what I do and not always questioning it to be risky or dangerous. Everything in life is risky and dangerous if you're not careful, that's why you need to learn and make mistakes along the way.
Thing is that isn't me. I'm not a spoiled kid who wants this and that even though i can. One advantage being the youngest i see is that i can see the mistakes my brother and sisters did, that taught me not to do when they get scolded or commented on by my parents.
Growing up in this family, i always look up to everyone. My dad who managed to always stay calm when things go wrong. Very open minded, and also the one who always comes up with jokes that makes no sense sometimes. My loving mother who is a very skillful woman and was an athletic woman in her younger days. My brother and two sisters who may not be the best in academics at school but they are good at what they do. One thing I admire about them is the courage to stand up to someone who has a higher position than them. Something I am not good at...yet.
And like all families, everyone has their ups and downs. I didn't had much of a hard life growing up much, and everyone is very helpful. The problem is,.. that's it, they are too helpful. I never learn the basic things you learn in your daily life. Washing my clothes, simple cooking, washing the dishes, etc. I had a maid to do the dishes and laundry. I wanted to learn how to cook, since i find it is a good skill to learn, even the most basic dishes would do. My whole family knows how to cook but me. My mom would say, "No need, let your future wife cook" when i asked her to teach me how to cook. What are the chances I'll end up in a singles men rent house one day? That cooking skills would help me a lot in saving money.
I remember one time when i wanted to do something useful and I clean up my desk (or bed can't remember) and organized it. I was a kid back then and i felt proud of myself to be able to done something nice. Yet, my mom came in and said "what a mess" and she cleaned it in her own way. I was a kid, of course I couldn't do it perfectly, but she could at least gave me some emotional support and advice how to make it better. There were a number of times where things similar to this happened and I end up not doing anything because i thought all I did was useless.. I'm useless. That's how my low self esteem got to me and in primary school i end up being a quiet boy and gotten myself bullied physically and mentally occasionally.
I know my mom never had the intention of doing anything wrong. She was being a wonderful mother, a helpful one too. But sometimes, I need to learn these things when i grow up. I end up learning a lot of it when i reached college. I was enlightened when I got to pursue my Diploma far from home. It means i get to be out of my comfort zone and try something new. If my study for diploma was taken place near KL, my mom would probably go there and do my laundry every week.
When studying for my Diploma, aside learning about my course, I experienced riding a taxi, LRT and a bus alone. I learned how to cook, how to do the laundry and manage the rent bills with my housemates.These may be small things but i find it to be a very useful thing and a big deal. I remember getting laughed at my friends when I wanted to learn how to do the laundry. I managed to learn to be independent, something I always wanted. Being someone who can be helpful and not always rely on others.
I know my mom will never stop worrying about her me, I will always be her son, and nothing in the world could change that, but i just wish she would trust me and support me in what I do and not always questioning it to be risky or dangerous. Everything in life is risky and dangerous if you're not careful, that's why you need to learn and make mistakes along the way.
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