My Decision (Career)

Time really is short when you look back at your past, and how every perception and expectation that we had, changed along the way. When i was in kindergarten, i wanted to be an Imam, when i got to high school i wanted to be a counselor, and when i reached Diploma, I took Electrical Engineering. 

Initial ideas at the time was that I'll continue in Engineering until degree but I will never stay as an engineer. Then, after my Diploma, I saw an opportunity to go for Safety and Health Officer, thus postponing my Degree for a later time to pursue in SHO until I reached competency and then I'll take a part time Degree. Now, I'm working as a Service Technician for a week now and my plan so far is still leading to SHO. We'll see where Allah will guide me next.

Since, I am no where near in taking my Degree, a few have questioned my decisions in not taking my Degree as soon as possible. There's no doubt that I have made a LOT of thought in making this decision, but my decision stands firm. Some may heard me saying that I wanted to pursue in SHO fast because I'm afraid that in 2020 (the year i might finish my degree), the market for SHO won't be as high as now. Though that may be true, another reason is this :

This is my father, beside him is my loving mother and the 2 kids with them are their grandchildren. Ever since I returned to KL, I noticed a lot about my dad. What I saw is a man who has accomplished his life's effort in raising my brother, sisters and myself up to having 2 beautiful grandchildren. My family have gone through harsh times and my dad still push further for our future and sacrificed blood, sweat and tears to make sure there's food on the table. 

He has worked his way up in his career and even after his retirement he is a consultant in relation to his profession. He also formed a Cycling Group after his retirement and have a healthy lifestyle because of it. He celebrates his birthday by cycling to Melaka from KL and then return to KL in less than a week. He still treats my mom in a very playful and childish manner at times and I can see how he loves my mom truly, and both of them are almost in their 60s.

The more I look deeper, the more I wanted to become like my dad. I want to achieve what he has achieved, in my own way. I want to start from the bottom, I want to be independent and i want to aim higher than he has achieved.. I want to take my Degree using my own money, and maybe later Masters and PhD, but that's still in KIV. 

Though this post I refers to my decision in my future career, but my decision also leads to other achievements my dad has achieved.. and that is... a Happy Family...

MyLife #1

These past few months have been quite depressing for me despite the happy face I'm wearing. Though i'm sure no one will read this, but typing out thoughts that I've been thinking can actually let a lot of load or burden go. Well, let's start from the start. Probably this will be a second introduction of myself in this blog.

On 2nd March 1995, Thursday, around the end of Ramadhan 1415 a baby was born. That baby was me. I grew up in a loving family with a mom, a dad, a brother and 2 sisters. They are the best in the world and i wouldn't trade them for anything that the world has to offer. I am the youngest in the family, and as some may say, being the youngest is the best because you can have this and that.

Thing is that isn't me. I'm not a spoiled kid who wants this and that even though i can. One advantage being the youngest i see is that i can see the mistakes my brother and sisters did, that taught me not to do when they get scolded or commented on by my parents.

Growing up in this family, i always look up to everyone. My dad who managed to always stay calm when things go wrong. Very open minded, and also the one who always comes up with jokes that makes no sense sometimes. My loving mother who is a very skillful woman and was an athletic woman in her younger days. My brother and two sisters who may not be the best in academics at school but they are good at what they do. One thing I admire about them is the courage to stand up to someone who has a higher position than them. Something I am not good at...yet.

And like all families, everyone has their ups and downs. I didn't had much of a hard life growing up much, and everyone is very helpful. The problem is,.. that's it, they are too helpful. I never learn the basic things you learn in your daily life. Washing my clothes, simple cooking, washing the dishes, etc. I had a maid to do the dishes and laundry. I wanted to learn how to cook, since i find it is a good skill to learn, even the most basic dishes would do. My whole family knows how to cook but me. My mom would say, "No need, let your future wife cook" when i asked her to teach me how to cook. What are the chances I'll end up in a singles men rent house one day? That cooking skills would help me a lot in saving money.

I remember one time when i wanted to do something useful and I clean up my desk (or bed can't remember) and organized it. I was a kid back then and i felt proud of myself to be able to done something nice. Yet, my mom came in and said "what a mess" and she cleaned it in her own way. I was a kid, of course I couldn't do it perfectly, but she could at least gave me some emotional support and advice how to make it better. There were a number of times where things similar to this happened and I end up not doing anything because i thought all I did was useless.. I'm useless. That's how my low self esteem got to me and in primary school i end up being a quiet boy and gotten myself bullied physically and mentally occasionally.

I know my mom never had the intention of doing anything wrong. She was being a wonderful mother, a helpful one too. But sometimes, I need to learn these things when i grow up. I end up learning a lot of it when i reached college. I was enlightened when I got to pursue my Diploma far from home. It means i get to be out of my comfort zone and try something new. If my study for diploma was taken place near KL, my mom would probably go there and do my laundry every week.

When studying for my Diploma, aside learning about my course, I experienced riding a taxi, LRT and a bus alone. I learned how to cook, how to do the laundry and manage the rent bills with my housemates.These may be small things but i find it to be a very useful thing and a big deal. I remember getting laughed at my friends when I wanted to learn how to do the laundry. I managed to learn to be independent, something I always wanted. Being someone who can be helpful and not always rely on others.

I know my mom will never stop worrying about her me, I will always be her son, and nothing in the world could change that, but i just wish she would trust me and support me in what I do and not always questioning it to be risky or dangerous. Everything in life is risky and dangerous if you're not careful, that's why you need to learn and make mistakes along the way. 

Candle

              Assalamualaikum, It must have been.. a long time since i post something on this blog. Truth be told i only use this blog to express things when i felt that i couldn't express it fully. It's true i'm loud and hyperactive person, but deep inside, i'm actually a lonely guy, truly. And no matter how much someone would laugh at me when i said it since they thought it was a joke, but truthfully, i was never joking. I do like to joke, i do like to annoy people and most of all, i do like making people smile. But, i hardly ever lie to people in my jokes, unless it was sarcasm.
              Time passes so quickly and i am currently in my 2nd semester pursuing my diploma in Electrical Engineering in UiTM P.Pinang. If you ask me, do i like engineering? I would say no. At the same time i was never forced to take the course. To make it simple, why i accept the offer? so far in my life, things that i never liked, never expected to become, are the things that i am good and mold me to make me as what i am today.
              Main reason why i decided to post something in this blog is basically to express my insecurities or whatever it is that is making me uncomfortable inside these past few weeks. I have this friend, whom i never expected to be one of my closest friend since i met her from camp. Although we never met after that camp, we became quite close. Just like my other friends (mostly girls), i became a place (especially my close friends) where people would share their complaints, problems and self insecurities . And i'm not complaining, i actually enjoy listening, being someone helpful to others, encouraging them, motivate them, and solve their problems. It's like being a candle, lighting up the darkness that surrrounds you, until the sun came back.
              So, back to where i was. As time goes by, we had the chance to meet and go out together, supposedly another close friend is joining but she's busy with her marriage stuff. We met twice. And that was when it all changed. I sense something wrong after the second outing, since we haven't contacted for quite awhile since both are busy with studies and activities. As for me i noticed she started a new leaf, new Facebook, new Twitter, new WeChat, new number. I was a bit umm.. dissapointed that she never told me that she made a new number (yea i guess i am being a bit selfish) but i put that aside. 
              I did noticed that she somehow have some problems. Did try talking to her about it, but she didn't feel comfortable talking about it. But who could blame her, i'm not the only one who was asking that question seeing that there are some other people giving her the same question in her ask.fm. I noticed she treats me differently somehow not in a bad way of course but i felt that she has felt less comfortable with me. Somehow i felt i might have done something wrong. I also noticed my relationship with her as close friends is fading and most probably her trust in me is fading as well. 
              I guess, all I'm saying is that i missed the complains, the problems, the things that she shared, but at the same time i should be happy knowing she no longer have problems (hopefully) to complain and start accepting it and do something about it. All in all, I am happy to be of help and of use to her and will definitely miss the moments we share. I pray that she'll have a wonderful and a better life than before InsyaAllah. And to my friend who is about to be married i wish you the best in your marriage and may Allah bless your marriage. Now, i think it's my time to move on as well. I am blessed to know you all and become a candle to my friends.

A Sweet that Can't Be Forgotten (II)

          On 28th November 2012, i took my Accounts examination, the very last exam that i will take in my highschool life. As the time keeps on ticking to the very last second of the examination, i wondered what happens next. Has it been 5 years already? Seems like it was only a few days ago that i was walking towards my school at the very first day of school in 2008 attending the Form 1 orientation. When the examination prefects announced the time has ended for our accounts exam, a lot of us cheered with joy. Went out of school feeling relief that there will be no more studying and exams AT THE MOMENT.

After this, classmates, schoolmates, tuition-mates, friends, groupies.. everyone, will go on their separate ways to achieve their dreams and goals. Will i ever see them again? How will i know their development in their life? A question that only Allah can answer and a situation where time will tell. maybe we will see them or maybe we wont. All i know is that i have no regrets in meeting all these people, knowing them, befriend them and study with them.

          My time in my highschool life is a moment and a memory i shall cherish forever. Of course i had my bad times, unfair, and times where i was at my lowest point, but in the end i'll just have to make it as a lesson to be learn. Remembering back the times i had in my highschool life. Training for Sports Day and challenging other houses to achieve victory. Running in the cross country. Train marching for either a competition or Sports Day. Attending extra classes. Going for camps. Annual dinner. Orientations. Teachers Day. Attending tuition classes and the seminars they made. Each year, our seniors left school and newcomers came in school as our juniors. Later before we know it, we have become seniors ourselves and become an example towards our juniors like how we made our seniors as an example. I will surely miss the feeling where students gather together for school assembly, Celebrate teacher's day or the aura where we all cheered for one another in sports day. 

          After all of this, i wonder.. What's Next? What do we do now? While waiting for our SPM results, surely everyone has their plans on what to do. Having part-time jobs. Taking their drivers license. Take a vacation. Ohh.. the usual.. and besides that, when not knowing what to do. Waste our time inside our home infront of the computer, television or something. But after all this, after our SPM results. I wonder what's gonna happen next. Surely a lot of people have made their plans, and some still wondering or not giving a damn of what happens next. However, i wonder if things will go out like how we hoped it to be or as planned. Maybe  it'll be better or what seems to be worse but have it's reasons in life since God has a funny way of taking away what you "think" you want and providing you with what you "REALLY" need or want. I guess that's how we call it, Hikmah as in there's a good reason for everything that happen.
          Thinking all of this, i will really miss my highschool life especially those that i got to know and befriend them along the way. One thing i must admit is that i am quite sad to know that there's a huge chance that i might not see my friends again and gather together in one place. I think i would probably miss my moment in Sir Ven's Masjid Muaz seminar the most. Being there, with people from different schools, gathered together learning, laughing, getting along together... it feels like that hall was our second home.. 8 hours of studying and not once did i felt bored and stressed in there. Even during the SPM seminar. i wouldn't mind if Sir Ven wanted to do a 12 hours a day class in that seminar. I would happily accept it. But then again, i might fell asleep eventually lol.
          All in all, i am blessed to live in this life. Knowing and getting along with everyone. Surely i will miss every single one of this. You know when you eat a candy that the taste is so sweet and you will remember the taste for a very long time? Well, same goes for my memory throughout my highschool life. A sweet memory that cannot be forgotten and i shall always cherish it.

Shiro..

13th Dec,

A day that should have been my happy day, but it's not because of something that happened a few days ago which i could not tell. And to make my day worse my Cat, Shiro died at 2:03pm in front of my very eyes. Nothing can be done, the picture of him on that very moment never really did faded from my mind when i was in class after that. 3 hours in class and Shiro was all i could think of. My mom must have felt far more worse than me since it was she who accidentally collided with Shiro (plus, she took care of Shiro since he was just a small kitten) when she was putting her car in reverse to go outside of the garage to drive me to class. And when i got out of the house even i didn't notice whether Shiro got out of the house or not. No one noticed Shiro was below the car, plus my mom saw him inside the house before she got out of the house.

It is painful to lose something you care for, but he/she will always be in your life no matter how you try to change it, and the memories with him will always be with us.

Goodbye Shiro..

Will never forget you.

Changes

A lot has changed since i last posted anything in my blog.
Hmm.. well, might as well i start from where i stopped.

2010
So, i have got my PMR results ;
3 A's = Math, Eng , Sci
4 B's = Geo, Sej, Agama, BM
1 C = KH

Truth be told, i never really expected that my science was an A since i ussually get a C or a D for my science lol. but alhamdulillah that my results were satisfying. I have no regrets what so ever and i am happy for my friends who have great and amazing results but on the other hand i'm also a bit sad that i know some or most of them will be leaving me soon and go to boarding school especially a particular person I'm not gonna say who.

2011
2010 ended with sweet and bitter memories but mostly sweet memories at the end of the 2010.
2011 arrived bringing new challenges in life and hopefully a few more sweet memories.
School started with a 3 days orientation and then we were introduced to our new class and new homeroom teachers. I was given the class 4 Fadhil, an account course class. There were many new and also familiar faces in that class. It would be a great chance for me to get more new friends. But i have to take my chances at another class since i have requested for another class. My request was accepted and now my class is 4 Erat, a Sub science course where biology is replaced by accounts.
So far so good in class, but... aiya... Marzuki is my classmate again. lol. Anyway, as days passed, one by one of my friends were accepted to SBP and MRSM especially my favourite people, N.m Hanif, Siti Sarah and Amira Manan. So i guess, till the next time i'll meet my friends. I will sure be missing them all. The distance apart between us is nothing compare to our relationship.

Cross Country came in very early and i was totally unprepared since i was in my resting month from any workout activities.. dang.. but in the end i am satisfied with my results in the cross country. Im not in the top 15 in ranking but i can feel that my results have increased compared to last year. I'm hoping to get the top 15 next year.

The first examination have arrived and all of us in form 4 have finally feel how it is to answer the SPM format examination.... well.. maybe just.. 30% of it? Anyway, i got 5A's 2B's 1C and 1 G. If you asked me, i have never in my life get that many A's. The highest before was 3A. So yeah, I'm happy and i will try harder, i won't let my parents sacrifices for me go to waste. They have done too much for me, and I'm very grateful to them. As a son, i can only do so little to repay them for now, so i guess getting good results will have to do for now. so.. Get you lazy bump to work Haziq!!

A Sweet That Can't be Forgotten

Sunday, 14th November 2010 approximately 11:45 p.m
Monday, 15th November 2010 at 1:10 p.m

Those are the days i shall never forget..

2010... that's the year where i finally feel comfortable. A year where i feel i can fit in with my most precious friends.
Sad and Happy Momments have passed through out the year..
Sports Day, Cross - Country, PMR Trial, PMR, Hop on and Hop Off, Conlay, Bowling, Last Day of School... and the rest of my life in 2010.
I have never been so happy to be friends with you all, not a single regret i feel in meeting any one of you people. Eventhough there are harsh times and bad memories. However, that makes me the person i am today.

Last day of school ended just like that, it feels so quick that schools ends that day.

To all my friends,
I wish you all good luck next year, especially the ones who are gonna start a new life at another school in living your dreams. It pains me to see most of my friends i cherish the most will be going to another school next year but i will still cheer you guys on. You guys have meant the world to me, i don't know what happen if i never met you people.
Meeting you guys was fate, becoming your friend was a choice and i thank god for showing me this path.

Thank you to my friends who was always there for me when i needed them :

Nafis Lutfillah - You maybe a pain in da ass but ur the 1st person whom i had ever trusted the most. You have known me since form 1 and already know what i've been through the most but most of my hard times are in form 3 which Hanif knows mostly.

N.m.Hanif - I only started to know you better in 2010 after the 2nd exam, and after that we always been the best of buddies, sharing our feelings , comforting one another, annoyed others for no reason, helping each others back. Plus your the only one who knows what i have been through the most at my hardest time in 2010.

Amirul Azri - You may only know a some of my secrets but you are still one of the people who have helped me and support me in my needs.

Azim Goh - You are my brother for another mother and we annoyed each other so much.. and others.. lol. We may not hang out much often but you're still my brother from another mother!

Nasuha Salim - You may have not know me like my other best friends but i know you already find me obvious in some parts io my life. Thanks for being there when i needed someone.

Amira Manan - You're a great friend and you're the only girl who knows a lot about me than other girls. You're always there when i needed someone to talk with about my problems. And there have not been a single time.. not one tiny BIT that you have ever complain about my same old problems, instead you kept on supporting me and wished me the best. Thank you.

Aliah Umairah - You're a great girl with many special talents and have endless perseverance. You never gave up hope when life knocks you down. Keep it up girl.

Afieqah Kaz - For some odd reason you have been a great friend, thanks. Eventhough you tried to kill me and all haha lol.

Fatin Afiqah

Sri Nur Areena

Amira Najwa

Nur Shakinah Ahmad

Fadzila Hanim

Emill Zulkipli

Siti Syuhadah

Syafiqah Talib

Nur Syahidah

Liyana Menon

Khatijah Zafirah

Eza Elhanis

Aishah

Izyan

and not forgetting another person, she may not be my schoolmate but she is the only person who is my tuitionmate that im most close with.

Siti Sarah - I have hurt you and i can never forgive myself for that and i still don't know how to make it up to you. but you always fill my loneliness with a bunch of silliness and happiness at most days( or is that just me? ), and i thank you for that =)

Thank you.
And these are the Sweets That Can't be Forgotten, a taste that is so sweet that i will cherish it all =)